WHAT DID ONE SNOWMAN SAY TO THE OTHER?
...Smells like carrots.

::movie:: SPACE COWBOYS
::music:: I'VE GOT MY MIND SET ON YOU ~ GEORGE HARRISON

I've been neglecting the blog but I promise this will be a dousie....and no cheap filler about disliked commercials and/or dream recollections revolving around Fred Penner, I swear.

I went to Chelton Beach on Saturday with Blake and 'Special K' aka My-Frace Co-Founder Kristin Mombourquette, whom, next to George Stroumboulopoulos, has the worlds longest last name. No Joke, Richard Dawson and I took a survey of 100 people and Mombourquette was the number two answer. Anyway, the beach was awesome. We peed in the water, checked out 15 year old girls, and ate dinner at the Frosty Treat.

The other night I went to Anna Pilla's Nirvana tribute at Hunters. I even got hit on by the Coug of Cougars. She was 50 if she was a day, tall, 'blonde,' and looked like a crack whore/meth addict.I think she was wearing a stone washed denim skirt that was roughly a mile too short. the ensemble was complemented with a white knitted bra top which did very little to support the twins, which looked like to fried eggs nailed to a tree. Anyway, the point is the two of us are in love and moving in with eachother at the end of the month.

I've started to plan my funeral. I figure I'm 23 now so that leaves only 4 years to plan the big day. Here are my last wishes:

The night before the funeral there shall be a bonfire/beach party at Lakeside. I want to be brought out and propped up in a lawn chair in front of the fire, but away from the smoke. Feel free to place me in awkward poses and to draw dicks all over my face with a sharpie, which I'll make sure is delivered along with me. (left pants pocket)

At the actual funeral, I want a stripper to be hired to give the eulogy naked, and I want you all to share a few stories about all the dumb shit we've done together. Also, I expect you all to be loaded as fuck and sporting at least one article of tie die. Oh, and make sure my obituary reads "Death by Misadventure."

As my casket is lowered into the ground I want "Return to Sender" to be played, followed by "The End" by the doors. Afterwards I want you all to go home and have sex. Do It Up.

As for my grave I want either a Grim Reaper statue or a huge phallic marble monolith. with the word "boo" written on one side. And if its isn't too much to ask I would like one of you to rig up a motion sensor which triggers 1 of 7 pre-recorded messages. Such as, "HELP! I"M BURIED ALIVE," or, "YOU'VE REACHED THE GRAVE OF JOSHUA COLLINS, I CAN'T COME OUT OF THE COFFIN RIGHT NOW, BUT LEAVE YOUR NAME AND I'LL HAUNT YOU LATER." Please and thank you.

I'm out like vanilla ice.