CARNIES INCOGNITO

::movie:: BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
::music:: AUTOBIOGRAPHY ~ SLOAN

Forgive me for posting infrequently. I’ve been busy working on my autobiography entitled “QUARTER LIFE CRISIS.” Its part one of four volumes which will inevitably chronicle my life from my early years in Halifax to my untimely and heroic/mythic death. I will undoubtedly meet my doom alongside Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum whilst fighting aliens, either that or beside Kevin Costner in some post-apocalyptic earth.

My novel starts of a little like this, “The year was 1988, and I was a ferocious 4 year old winning the hearts of many a female in my kindergarten. Truth be told I had my first kiss during nap time with a young African-American named Stephanie, who had a bulbous afro and a penchant for Alice in Wonderland-esque dresses. The romance was short lived however, for I fell for a girl who reminded me of Kelly Kepowski on Saved By The Bell…” All compliments will be appreciated, while criticisms will be ignored.

I’ve realized that I’ve had quite a full life thus far. I mean I’ve ridden in a helicopter, I’ve hit a golf ball into the target at the Zellers driving range, and I’ve dated a carnie (and no, she did not have small hands, or smell like cabbage.) Although lately my life has become a cycle of waiting for shoreline, being at Shoreline, and then waiting for shoreline once more. I’m still undecided on how this year’s festival went. I mean I was soaked for 3 days but I got to hear The Bus, Fugato, Great Lake Swimmers, Joel Plaskett, and XAVIER RUDD. It was cancelled on Sunday, but hopefully it won’t be the last, summer just isn’t the same without getting shit faced in Rollo Bay.

Canada Day Celebrations were only so-so. The music was great and all, hearing Matt Mays, Sam Roberts, and the Hip was awesome. But Canada Day doesn’t feel as it did when you were a kid. You know, waiting all week for the fireworks like it was Christmas or something. Every passing year is another let down of shitty fireworks with weird-ass music playing in the background. They need to take it back to V-Park and pump up the glow-stick ring action. I went to St. Peters Blueberry Festival fireworks on Sunday and it was ten times the show. I sat on my lawn chair listening to some Lou Reed and Perfect Day, and Dazed and Confused by Zeppelin. Sadly, the best night this summer.

I’m going to the Stones again this year. I can’t pass up a chance to hear Alice Cooper sing Eighteen or Schools Out. Plus Sloan is opening…sizzleteen. And did I hear right? Is Justin Timberlake opening or was I just drunk when I heard that? If so I’m going to challenge him to a dance off and sell tickets to the show and call it the Halifax Explosion Part Deux.

I’m out like Cyril Sneer, Dr. Claw, and Skeletor.